July.

this is when summer should be at its finest.

this is when one should get out of the house;

meet new people, see new faces, make new bonds;

reunite with old friends, strengthen the ties of the best of your relationships; hope that they'll have their best if ever one is leaving for vacation (or vice versa).

July
should be the thick of the summer.

...*should* be.


The Horse.
I'm having difficulty writing this blog. BEcause... well, you see, i have one of the cutest dogs ever in the whole entire world and he keeps resting his head on my lap. He wants affection at the moment and i'm left to struggle. He's fur is so soft.

Anyway. These are one of the rare moments in which i am so incredibly restless that i must blog. It's 1:30AM and i woke up just a few minutes ago from a nap... that lasted about 6 hours long. I didn't have dinner. I am pretty hungry.

But let's talk about life. Yes, i know, it's a very common and cliche topic to write about.

I just had a very good weekend. There's a lot to talk about concerning this very fun weekend, but there was one thing that stuck out to me even until now -- it was what someone told me. He said, "Don't limit yourself."

A simple phrase, yes, and an already familiar one (i think). But it struck me.

Let's back track: my last blog, i had jotted (wrote) down some of the following: i'll never grow if i don't work on my faults; i have ambitious thoughts that are usually not realistic at all; i want to do so much but i have such little time. There were even some silly things, like: i want to write my fic; i suck at being social; i need to lose weight.

Let's back track again. I had said that my summer so far "sucked. majorly. big time." even though i was quite thankful for this summer. I had said those things for a pretty good reason, and no i won't explain why. But to say in the least, i was in a race. I was not on the racing track, i was not racing against others but for my own enjoyment. Maybe i was racing because i wanted to be like the other normal racers. But something happened -- i am not racing anymore, i am not on the horse anymore -- if anything, I had fallen off the horse without expecting it, without any anticipation and without any clear cut reaction to it. What happened? How did this happen? -- How could it? How could i let this happen? June was just ending, July was on its way. Wasn't July supposed to my the thick of the summer? Wasn't July expected to be a blast without anything holding me back? How could i let this happen before my time of the summer began? My dear readers, i still don't know what to think of that very moment and i haven't done anything about it.

This was about a week ago -- less than a week ago. Within the short amount of days i had already begun to... subconsciously limit myself with a lot of things, a lot of thinking and a lot of actions. I was basically trying to do anything to get my mind off of it. Perhaps I was in denial. I didn't show it, but my self-image and self-esteem had begun to cave in and there was this... little hole of insecurity that i tried to hide from others. I tried to deny its existence with the attitude of, "it's cool. It happens. I'm fine," and automatically assumed that i was handling the situation [freakishly] well. Then i had grew restless and i knew something was bothering me but i didn't want to know what -- because perhaps i had already known what it was.

And so, to back track again on what i said earlier in this blog... we were in the car chattering away. It was then that he said, "Yeah, don't limit yourself." He said that -- not because he knew what had happened to me, but because he was just saying things in reflection of his own life and lifestyle. I don't think he'll ever know how much that little phrase hit me. I have had a friend tell me already, "Get back on the horse. " in reference to my situation, but i'm sure that this 'dont limit' thing has encouraged me muchly.

Let me tell you right now, readers, speaking in the present tense (aka no backtracking)... i love those kind of people. Even when the surrounding things may limit them, they still don't limit themselves. They live life with their chin up -- i love how opened these people are. I try to be as opened, but i... i guess i'm generally scared and take refuge in closure and in secludedness. Solitude is fine, but i don't think this is good -- i think getting social is an important part of one's developement as a person and i think i need more of it to make up for lose time. But that being besides the point, i just need to "Get back on the horse". No only with the "situation" i'm in, but also on the little things i had mentions before. To have ambitious thoughts that are usually not realistic at all, to want to do so much, but to have such little time -- to lose weight, to write my fic and to stop telling myself that i suck at being social. If i suck so much at it, then i should work on tose faults in order to grow. Get out of that shell, get out of that closed-in space and expose yourself to life.

To not limit oneself -- it may be more challenging than what it sounds. Who knows what the results will be, who knows what will turn up. To quote another friend, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst". And so my goal for this summer: go through life's tests and get back back on the horse.


...But, let's go for one more backtrack. My dog. He's fine. I thought he wanted to pee, but i think he was just bothering me for attention. He fell asleep under the counter in which this laptop is on... thn he woke up and wnt to the living room to sleep on the couch. >_> I love my dog.

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I HAVE BEEN TAGGED.
by . XB Curse you!

x - sorta
xx - greater
xxx - evil crippling fear

[x] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[ ] Acrophobia - Fear of heights. (i think the view it nice.)
[x] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[ ] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[ ] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[ ] Androphobia - Fear of men. (o_o rapists, yes? generally, no?)
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[ ] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched. (wtf? sexually, yes? generally, no?)
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders. (Ew.)
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers. (i hate math.)
[ ] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightening. (I like thunder and lightning, although loud thunder is irksome.)
[ ] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness. ( >_> )
[x] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection. (only a perfectionist in some ares XD)
[x] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure. (I dunno. D: )
[xxx] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.

B
[x] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria. (moderate.)
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity. (....)
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes. (huh? o_O)
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians. (froggies.)
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[xxx] Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed publicly. (ugh.)
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors. (wtf???)
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[ ] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces. (Never experienced it?)
[xx] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns. ( ;_; )
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers. (umm.. o_o)
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs. (i LOVE puppes.)

D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
[ ] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
[x] Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents. ( :\ )

E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
[ ] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers. (i don't fear them -- just sick of them. XD)
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses.

G
[ ] Gamophobia - Fear of marriage. (to my boyfriend? maybe. XD LOLOLOLJKJKJKJK iloveyoumike.)
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees. (wtf?)
[ ] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women.

H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
[ ] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
[ ] Hydrophobia - Fear of water.

I
[ ] Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors.
[x] Insectophobia - Fear of insects.

K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.

L
[ ] Leukophobia - Fear of the color white.
[ ] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
[x] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth. (Of course i am, but i want it still in order to have kids. XD)
M
[ ] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things.
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs.

N
[x] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
[ ] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.

P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
[x] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children.
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love.
[x] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid. (Heh.)
[ ] Podophobia - Fear of feet.
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying. (i want to fly. XD)
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire. (Pshh~~)

S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school. [not fear, HATE.] (word.)
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
[ ] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
[ ] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.

T
[x] Tachophobia - Fear of speed. (ha ha ha)
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology.
[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
[ ] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections. (Ow.)

V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
[x] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
[ ] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers.
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

I don't know how many you have to tag. But oh well.
i tag:


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