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Time and time again, i have wanted to blog. BUt the desire was fleeting, and had faded rather quickly. Right now i'm in a weird place because there's just so much to talk about in spite of the lack of exciting events. I guess i could put my thoughts in bullet point again, but... nah.

I remember for Freshmen year, Mike (my boyfriend) got me a journal for my birthday. I never really wrote in a journal before, but once i took up the pen/pencil, my hands just started flying. Words and thoughts were recorded -- and not in a blog, like what i have done since 4th grade, but in a journal -- on paper. It almsot felt more personal. Kinda dumb, huh? Writing in journals have been around for years and years but i had only found out how to appreciate it recently.

Anyway, whenever i go to Border or Barnes & Nobles, i always see nice journals for sale. But i'm picky and indecisive and i'm never sure if it's worth the money to get a journal for myself. Maybe i'd accept it if it were in the form or a present?

The new Borders at Freehold mall is two floors. It's big. And i love it. I love it there and i love the little cafe. It's on the second floor. After buying a book, a went and got some kind of 'javakula' or something of that sort (with the recommendation of the person at the register) and i sat by the window. The view was nice, even if it was just a parking lot and people shuffling belowing by the new CHeesecake Factory. I started to drink my little latte-thing and read my book.

Then i stopped. I took out a scrap piece of paper (i don't know why i didn't have my sketchbook with me) and started to draw the people sitting accross from me. The man was sleeping, another reading a book. ALthough i had no idea what would happen if they were to somehow see what i was doing, it was fun (i almsot felt like a ninja?).

Slurping away and drawing people around me -- i realized how much i missed that kind of typical cafe scene. Having your weekly intake of frozen caffeine while jotting down something in your journal (in this case, a piece of paper) just seems therapeutic to me. ANd the fact that it's in a cafe, a public place, just makes it feel more alive -- there's a circulation of human activity swirling around you. ANd the thing about cafes is that once you grab a drink and sit at a table, you are already in your own, personal, claimed space. Sure, you can do your personal whatevers at home but when it's taken place at a little local or hardly known cafe, it feels like you're a small part of a bigger piece of the world -- your smallest, sincerest and sometimes unintentional contribution to whatever community. You're a part of the big picture and you're content with it. You are minding your own business, but you are also minding those of others (assuming you're drawing the damn person behind their backs). I don't know why i find it so relaxing. It's the kind of solitude i enjoy.

I don't know. I wish i had a journal or sketchbook with me though. XD But i was just content with drawing the snoring old man a few tables away from me on a piece of scrap paper i found in my bag.

i was upset when he woke up.

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AzuRe KiTES




lots of love~
`c-ko d. de cottonball
aka tadako kazahaya